


Be There

by Viridian5



Category: Saiyuki, Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Humor, M/M, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-24
Updated: 2011-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/257029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What might <i>Weiß Kreuz</i> look like filtered through <i>Saiyuki</i> continuity?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be There

**Author's Note:**

> Just some general spoilers for _Saiyuki_ , though this'll be more fun for you if you're familiar with _Saiyuki_.
> 
> This isn’t [what Esinde Nayrall had intended to inspire](http://red-squared.livejournal.com/119431.html) but this is what came out of me... and I was encouraged to post!
> 
> I think Gojyo could work as Schuldig if he were delusional, resentful, or passive-aggressive. Plus, how many girls _has_ he actually made cry by his “love”-’em-and-leave-’em ways? Sanzo could be Crawford (he sees the future and it’s full of stupidity), Hakkai has lost an eye but gained ear jewelry and has a Christian background with nuns, while Goku’s great destructive power and infinitely changeable weapon come from telekinesis instead of physical might and a cursed object. Besides, think of what _Glühen_ was titling Nagi’s clones.
> 
> All things _Weiß Kreuz_ belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiß, Polygram k.k., and Animate Film, while all things _Saiyuki_ belong to Kazuya Minekura and Enix. No infringement intended.

Orphaned Jei and his sister--we’ll leave the parents and Sister Ruth for another time--are living together happily until the sister is taken away by youkai. The villagers tell an enraged and snapping Jei that everyone else had family in town so it had to be her. Besides, it’s not like Catholics are real Christians anyway. (Born Roman Catholic myself, I was once told I was a pagan by a supposed other Christian. True story.)

How could God allow this?! Jei slaughters the villagers and goes on a massive youkai-killing spree. When Jei comes for her, Sister does herself in like Kanan did for fairly the same reasons, but added that as a very brainwashed Catholic she and her brother never did penetrative sex (just mutual fingers and mouth stuff and certainly no sinful masturbation!) while the youkai forcibly introduced her to the missionary position and full penetration during the raping. Jei is gutted by the 1,000th youkai he manages to kill.

Schuldig is living a lazy, easy life as a big fish in a small town. He can read minds, so he loses at cards just enough to stop people from getting suspicious, and if a lady doesn’t fall into his lap on her own he can give her a little mental push. The town doesn’t know his red hair means he’s half-youkai and a telepath, so worry about that and his own tragic past--poooooor wooooobie sadist!--sends him out into the rainy night, where he steps into a white-haired guy bleeding all over the ground, guts hanging out. White-haired guy makes eye contact and smiles at him before passing out.

Schuldig’s not sure why he picks the guy up and takes him in. Later he’ll say that he’s the kind of person who, seeing a guy seemingly happy to die, has to force him to live.

Upon awakening, Jei is surprised that Hell looks like a crappy apartment, but redheaded Satan has some charms. Jei’s messed-up brain can be difficult to read, so Schuldig actually loses at cards to him sometimes. Jei’s a handful, mainly since he likes to turn kitchen knives upon himself since he doesn’t feel pain and keeps coming close to pulling out his stitches, but Schuldig’s certainly not bored anymore.

The three Elder Giant Heads, the Sanbutsushin, call Crawford in to order him to bring a mass murderer to justice. Crawford says that’s hardly his or their thing, but the Elders assure him it’s important to the future and Crawford just hasn’t foreseen it yet, which _thrills_ Crawford, especially since the future is always full of stupidity. The Heads ask how the kid Crawford liberated from the mountain is doing, and there’s some talk of the temple being cursed by “ghosts” moving thing around and that the ghosts seem to be especially fond of the sacred peaches.

Can he pistolwhip the boy?  
No.  
Damn.

Out of some tiny feeling in his tiny heart over how he was hated by the others in the Rosicrucian temples when he was a kid, he brings Nagi along. Besides, muscle could be helpful....

And things go about as they go. Schuldig is immediately attracted to the pissy supposed priest with glasses and a gun, while Jei runs off, meets a murderous youkai, and rips out his own eye to show how serious and crazy he is but Nagi stops him from taking out the other because, really, this is ridiculous. Once he realizes that revenge is impossible, Jei ends up going peaceably with Crawford out of bemusement and after hearing about this whole Buddhist religion thing where you should kill your Father if you meet Him.

Crawford later tells Schuldig that Jei is dead, but eventually Jei and Schu meet again at an apple cart--oh, those religiously loaded fruits--and Jei says that he’s studying Buddhism, he’s Farfarello now, and he’s out to hurt God and all His works. Schuldig mourned him and the fun surprises he brought to his life enough to give himself a choppy haircut of rage and unexpected grief, so he has to have a few words with Crawford about all this, the unnecessary suffering and the sacrifice of his _hair_. Crawford plays it cool, but Schuldig know Crawford wants him somewhere deep down. Really deep. Nagi’s happy to get out of the temple again and get lunch if Crawford’s paying, so they all go out to eat together... because Crawford foresees that he’s going to be seeing a lot of these morons anyway.

And that’s the way they became the _Saiyuki_ bunch!

Three years later the Elder Heads send the four of them on a trip to stop Gyumaoh’s resurrection, when in fact the Heads sent Tsuji there to get the resurrection stuff and Minus Wave started and she’s just waiting for Crawford to bring his own sutra in. Nagi thinks it’s stupid that they have to fight off hordes of youkai on the trip when their official goal is to _help_ the resurrection. The Schwarz ikkou, of course, have their own actual plan, making their actual mission a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.

They confuse the hell out of Prince Ran and his rambunctious half-sister. Ran and Aya are working toward the resurrection of their father, while Ran also wants to restore his mother, who was turned to stone by a Takatori curse. Too bad he doesn’t know that one of the people giving him his orders, the scientist, is a Takatori.... Omi’s their Yaone-style apothecary, just without the boobs. Yoji is Schuldig’s long-lost full-blooded youkai brother, not that either of them are unfamiliar with incest. Ken’s just confused... and possibly Zakuro.

 

  


### End


End file.
